As you can tell by the title, my love life is non-existant.
Yay. Big thumbs up and punching the air in ecstasy.
Now obviously I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I'm going to give you a low down.
(Lucky you eh?)
In my five years of teenage-dom, I have liked seven boys.
Nothing ever came of them ever because I just don't know how to get from liking someone and having a crush on them to actually letting them know that you like them and have a crush on them.
Things just don't happen to me, and I know I'm partly to blame because my lack of experience and confidence in the boy department severely handicaps me.
If a boy looks at me, I immediately assume he likes me, if he talks to me, well that clearly means we're going to get married and have kids. If I look at a boy and find him attractive, I will look at him repeatedly until he notices me and then I won't pay him any attention after that. I'm like a spy who's already gone and blown their cover before they even know it.
And these are just a handful of the things wrong with me.
Because if that wasn't enough, my friends say I'm picky.
I always disagree profusely because truthfully I really couldn't give a toss about shape, size, height, colour, muscles (ew scary) etc. To me, the most important thing is that I get on with them like a house on fire and that I find him attractive.
So if I'm not picky in that sense, then what do my friends mean?
Well I think it's because I'm picky in other ways...
You see, I have a mental list of what I am looking for in a boy, but this list is not based on appearances or interests, it's based on feelings and situations and what I want and don't want to happen.
It's kind of like my protocol when it comes to love I guess.
Let me give you an example:
1) If he shows no interest back, don't even bother with him.
2) Needs a cracking sense of humour and to not find me weird. ie. need to feel comfortable being 100% myself around him.
3) I need to feel a certain feeling when I'm around him. I haven't ever felt it before but I have imagined it. It's that feeling you get when you know it's the right person, that you need that person in a way you don't need anyone else. It's just this feeling, but I haven't felt it yet.
4) I need to want to change my ways for him, as in, get over my fears and flirt or ask him out or whatever.
5) I want to know I'd fight for him because I just couldn't bear losing him.
6) Would like to get to know him first, ie. be friends, before anything happens.
So there you go, that's just a snippet of the list, and trust me, it's a very long list.
Other examples include not dancing with boys I don't like in that way (very extreme I know) as well as not kissing any boy until he is the right one.
All these many factors contribute to the fact my love life is non existent, and in all honesty, I just seem to make it so hard for myself to begin with.
I don't want to change my beliefs or my ways because firstly I really don't want to change them and secondly because I ain't that desperate mate.
But where does that leave me?
Well I'm hoping that soon I'll meet a boy who ticks at least half of those boxes, but it's just taking so long and I'm the most impatient person on this planet. Those two minutes in the morning waiting for my porridge to warm up are excruciating, so how can I stand a wait that seems to be never ending?
I've done well so far I guess, but now that I'm seventeen, it's getting a bit embarrassing to say that I've never kissed a boy, danced with a boy, or had a boyfriend ever.
I would like things to change, not gonna lie, and although I can embrace the whole single-sassy-independent- lady thank-you-Beyonce thing, it's getting harder now.
The most I can do is 1) wait for my love life to become existent 2) get out on the prowl (oo-er) and
3) laugh about it.
And laugh about it I shall.
And if you're in the same position as me, I hope you can find the strength to laugh along too.
You ain't alone sister.
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